Finally Stopped Feeling Had to Be Everything to Everyone

July 14, 2023 0 Comments

I have always been a pleasure for people. As an enneagram type two, I naturally strive to be “everything for everyone.”Although there are benefits (like all social plans!), the downside is that I can get into a spiral of doing everything to help everyone, instead of putting my own needs first. And honestly, I never realized it was a problem until I had a baby.

After the birth of my daughter, I was scattered. Not only did I run little sleep, tried to breastfeed, etc., but I also always tried to play my former role as a planner, best friend, best girl—it was exhausting! After making plans almost every night for a week and running incredibly little steam, I realized that something had to give in. This “everything for everyone” mentality wore me down as a mother and left my husband and daughter-two people who should have been the top priority on the priority list—behind. So, how did I change those character traits that were basically who I was?

It wasn’t easy to change who I was overnight. In fact, I felt so guilty for weeks that I was no longer the all-rounder. But once I had gone through this initial struggle, it was worth ten times the effort to put myself first once.

Here are some ways I made the change:

Look at your relationships.

First, I had to figure out who is worth investing time in, and then focus on these relationships. As someone who loves to surround myself with a lot of people, I’ve put together a mental list of those people who fill my cup every time we sign up.

It doesn’t have to be the person you see the most or the one who lives closest to you. Rather, it is the person with whom you are having meaningful conversations, who pulls you up—not bad -, who speaks when you are not around!- and the one who strives through all stages of life. As soon as I had this to-do list, it was the people I continued to strive with, and it was they who made me feel socially fulfilled.

Find peace in your decision.

With this change, I could already see time returning to my schedule, which meant more moments to focus on my husband and child! All in all, there were definitely days when I felt bad for not connecting with everyone or not doing all the things.

To overcome this hurdle, I made a conscious effort to feel more peaceful with my life in other ways that felt meaningful to me, such as turning to prayer/meditation, keeping/writing a diary, talking to a trusted companion, doing something active, and from social media. (Note: the latter was a big one! When I was limiting my time on social apps, I found a huge weight on my shoulders when it came to the pressure to do everything!)

Discover new sources of happiness.

The last way I did my transformation was to focus on the things that made me satisfied. At the forefront was spending time with my daughter (there is nothing better than a sweet baby laugh so that they stop stressing out!) and to sign up for activities that really made me happy (in my matter it was a training for a race). The more I filled my time with positive things and started living a life I loved, the more I stopped focusing on just doing it for everyone!

Sometimes waking up and realizing that you are too scattered is all you need to realize that something needs to give.

In conclusion, I would like to say that you do not need a big life event (like a baby) to change this lifestyle. Sometimes waking up and realizing that you are too scattered is all you need to realize that something needs to give.

Whatever your motivation, I wish you peace and happiness on your way to becoming everything for yourself, not for everyone. Trust me: once you’re there, it’s the best feeling in the world.

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